Coming Back As We Are
by Inevitable.Alex.Vause
Summary: She meets her first love after a chance meeting in a bar, Rachel 22 and fresh out of college meets a raven haired beauty who happens to be a seller for an international drug cartel. After a two year romance they go their separate ways only to be reunited again under unconventional circumstances in the most unconventional of places...WOMENS PRISON...WARNING:::Will contain SMUT
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1: A Chance Encounter**_

They say that your first love is always with you. Always embedded in your mind. A timeless memory that you just never get over. Maybe that person is that same person with which no one can hold a candle to or just someone that you reference back to when you feel like you are settling for less in your other relationships.

For me, it is the complete opposite. My first love while yes, is embedded in my mind for all eternity, did not end up there by being this completely perfect statue of a partner in my life. Oh no, as I am escorted down this hall of concrete white walls wearing a completely unflattering orange jumper I am reminded of where my first love landed me.

In the Lima Women's Correctional Facility.

Sure maybe it wasn't all her fault, but I was only 22 at the time and I was a bit impressionable to say the least. She was older than me, 6 years to be exact. She was adventurous and daring, everything I wasn't. I was itching to get out of this small town, wanting to be everything that she was.

I met her in a bar. I know, such a cliché place to meet my first love. A tall raven haired stunningly beautiful girl. She was entertaining some lady friends at a corner table while I was straddling a bar stool sipping a margarita.

I was just about to down my last bit when I felt a nudge on my shoulder.

"Hey." A simple greeting, yet enough.

"Hey." I said back with a smile that matched her own.

Her eyes were a beautiful chocolate color and her skin an amazing shade of caramel. The way the light in the bar radiated her silhouette was completely intoxicating. I couldn't help but stare at the ample cleavage that was being pushed up by her tight black mini or her long toned legs that seemed endless in her black stiletto heels. She was perfection at its finest.

"So what is a pretty girl like you doing in a sleazy place like this?" She asks after a brief silence.

I could see she was checking me out just as much as I was her. I am sure that I wasn't radiating even a fraction of the sex appeal that she was radiating, but still I sat confident, despite tugging at the hem of my black pleaded skirt to make it appear longer than it actually was.

"Just needed a change of scenery I guess." I pointed out as I spun the ice filled glass around a few times.

It was true. I needed to get out, I needed a little adventure. A new place. I was feeling swallowed by the small town, and needed to just free my mind in the city for a few days.

"Can I buy you another?" I nod as she stretches over the bar to get the tenders attention. When her sleeve creeps up a bit at her movements a tattoo is revealed. A beautiful red rose with black and green vines that surround it. I would later learn that is the first of four tattoos that she has.

One drink turned into three and then before I knew it we were telling our life stories. She felt familiar. Like someone that I had always known. Someone that I had always been waiting for.

She asked me what I did for work. I told her that I had just finished college with a degree in musical theatre. She said that she had suspected a girl like me would have something like that. I didn't question what that meant.

"What do you do?" I ask and she goes quiet for a minute, and then perks up.

"I am a seller for an international drug cartel." She looked as serious as could be. I soon matched her amount of seriousness and then laughed it off when a big smile spread across her face.

Little did I know that was no laughing matter?

I went home with her that night. There was no other option for me. In her arms is exactly where I wanted to be. A chance meeting and a three hour conversation was enough for me to allow her to plunge three fingers knuckle deep inside of me.

It was like nothing I had ever felt before. I had only been with guys before this. I had no idea what I was missing. She made me feel so exotic.

The way her lips searched mine and the way our tongues danced together within the confines of each other's mouths. The way she calculatingly broke our kiss right before a strangled moan escaped my mouth. The feeling of pleasure that I am sure I was showing as her lips nipped on my pulse point then trailed down and latched on to each of my hardened nipples. Or maybe I felt exotic because of the way my hips canted when her mouth met my navel and then trailed open mouth kisses all the way down to my shaven mound.

No I don't think so. But I do think it was the way that she laced our fingers together when she found me searching for something to hold on to, as she plunged her tongue deep inside my wet entrance. It was embarrassing, that first night and just how wet I got for her. She didn't poke fun though, even after I came three times humming her name. Best of all, she didn't make fun of me when I asked her if I could taste her but then had to be walked through it, because I had never done anything like that before.

It was okay though. I didn't once feel out of place or insecure with her, in fact including the first night, it was the complete opposite.

We got serious pretty quickly, even after the first morning when her crazy ex-girlfriend came barging in and then slapped me for leading her "luscious lover" astray. It is laughable now, but the girl had a serious right hook on her. Of course she kissed it and made it better…among many, many other things that morning and all through the night.

We dated for two years. It was the best and most adventurous time of my entire life. She didn't lie to me. She was a seller for a well-known drug lord. She was straight forward and honest with me and she gave me every opportunity to get out of the relationship.

But I didn't.

I was already head over heels in love with her.

I didn't say it first, she did. We were on a flight to Bali about two weeks after we had officially started dating. She had just made a big sell. She was playing with my palm, trying to calm me down. Flying was never one of my strong suits. Even with the many tropical places she and I had already visited together. I leaned into her and sighed and was just about to nod off when I heard it.

"I love you Rachel." I didn't know what to say, I just looked up at her and the tears started to come down.

It took a couple of seconds to remember what I wanted to say next but I did finally tell her that I loved her as well. The kiss afterwards left us both breathless, and eventually got me inducted into the infamous mile high club.

I know the life that we led together was dangerous but it was exhilarating as well. Although after all of that, I never thought it would end the way that it did.

It was just after our two year anniversary and she had just been so busy with her "work". I was needy and wanted attention. It had been a week since we even went to bed at the same time together. I missed her…I missed us.

Eventually we fought and ultimately I left, and I never looked back. That was five years ago. I am a different person now. I have a fiancé who is a great man and we want to start a family. We were at the height of our relationship when I received an official letter stating that I was named in a drug smuggling ring.

I broke down. How could she do this to me? How could she name me? How could she ruin my life a second time? Things were on track for me. Things with Finn were going so perfect, and now…

Well this is the now. Finn drove me to the Lima Women's Correctional Facility that Monday and I turned myself in. I was booked, stripped, prodded and given a gorgeous orange jumper. I try to sport it proud. I can't appear weak here, not when I have a bunk mate who resembles that typical crazy lady on those real good horror films.

I've been in here for almost a month now. I have to admit that it all started out really scary and I probably cried every night my first week. Finn visits me every Saturday, it is the one thing I really look forward too. I am also finally starting to mingle with the other women, perhaps even making some friends. I have to do something. 15 months is a long time to just sit in here and not talk to anybody.

Everyone has been talking about the new inmate that is coming in. Apparently she will be joining us for 22 months. Susanne, my bunk mate was telling me that she heard through the grapevine that she is a real badass. One of those don't take no shit from anyone types of girls.

I couldn't help the fact that it made me think of her.

"There she is." Daya whispers in my ear. Everyone pretty much goes by last name or nickname in here.

For the first week I was "white meat", but I have graduated so to speak and I am either "Berry" or "small rack" which isn't particularly my favorite.

I can hear footsteps coming down the hall and all of the girls turn to get a good look at the new inmate. I turn after hearing a joke from one of the guards, but my laughter is halted when I come face to face with the new girl…or not so new girl in my case.

"Rachel." I hear that familiar husky voice say my name. The same one that would scream it in fits of passion, and then say it soothingly when I needed her the most.

I make eye contact. The wrong thing to do. I am face to face with those beautiful brown orbs again. They are looking back at me with what appears to be concern, or worry, or apology, and maybe even love still.

"Rachel…I'm" I don't want to hear anything she has to say. She is the reason why I am in here. The reason why I am not sitting at home planning my future with Finn, the reason why I never got to have a future with her.

My open hand meets her cheek hard and I start to walk away. I don't see her grab the stinging site, I would think that she probably wouldn't because that would make her appear weak. Instead I keep on walking and then when I get to the end of the hall I turn back. Everyone is looking at me, including her.

"Fuck you Santana."

_**Author Notes.**_

_**So I thought I would try something a little different...i absolutely love Orange Is The New Black...so here is my take on it Santana and Rachel style.**_

_**Hope that you like this story.**_

**_Continue? Or not?_**

**_I will warn again about the smut._**

_**Please Review. **_


	2. Chapter 2

She is everywhere I turn.

Which I know should not be that hard to believe since we are locked up in a free roaming prison together. We have jobs here. I make a whole 12 cents an hour. I guess I should be grateful to even have that coming in. I mean really it is not like I need it, Finn has a great job and I was able to enjoy the luxuries of not having to work at all. I have been very fortunate.

They stuck me in the electrical department of all places. I have a hard time trying to turn things on, let alone being handed a screwdriver and being told to read a book and fix it whatever ends up being broken. It's scary, if I am not careful, I could easily get electrocuted and die in here. I know maybe a bit on the dramatics today, but my mind is just so all over the place.

I'm confused. I just don't know how to handle things with the fact that Santana is here locked up with me. We have a history you know, a tumultuous, amazing, steamy, on edge history together. I thought that I could just go on my happy little way, marry Finn, have babies and the subject of Santana would never again come up.

And then this happened.

She has been very polite to me. Of course there is no reason she shouldn't be, she got me in this situation. I haven't said anything to her, not since the first day that she walked in this place. I have been trying to avoid her at all costs, which is kind of hard when everyone has to wake up at the same time, eat at the same time, and then turn in at the same time. The only time I get without her is when I go and take my nightly shower.

Today has been particularly difficult. We've had a lot of group sessions today. One of the sessions was us talking about what we did to get in here. I didn't talk today, but Santana did. I rolled my eyes when I heard her voice say that she was ready to talk. I guess she has to talk to someone right? It is not like I was or ever plan on giving her the time of day.

She stands up. Long raven hair curtaining her face. She looks over at me and gives me a small smile but I don't return it, I just look down at the floor, until I know that she has made her way to the podium.

When I look back up our eyes meet. It's scary how even now I really feel like I could get lost in them again. She clears her throat, but doesn't look away. She just keeps her gaze locked on mine. I decide not to look away. If she is going to be brave enough to stand up there and talk, then I will be respectful enough to listen.

"Um…hi, most of you know me, some more than others." She looks down for a moment then looks back at me.

"For those of you who don't, my name is Santana, or Lopez, or Rojo Caliente, as those of you have so nicely nicknamed me." She smiles, and I swear for a split second all of my old feelings come rushing back at that small gesture. I always loved her smile. The way her eyes would disappear when her beautiful lips would spread. I shake my head to get rid of the image, I keep my eyes locked on her though, and I sit expressionless. There is no way I am going back to that.

"Well I guess I am supposed to tell you all why I am here." She takes another deep breath and looks down before starting to talk again.

"Saying that I made some bad choices in my life that ultimately led me to here would be an understatement. I was a seller for an international drug cartel. I do realize that I could have gotten a normal job like any human being but I am pretty sure that I would not have been racking in the serious amounts of cash that I had been bringing in every month. I can't stand up here and tell you that I wouldn't do it again, because I don't know that I would be telling the truth. I was living a dream life. My own version of a ghetto fairytale maybe, but it was good." She had been talking to everyone. But before she began again her face fell and she returned her eyes back to me.

"I had everything. A beautiful loft full of nice expensive things. The money to travel to any exotic island I wanted to go, and best of all, I had the most amazing person to share all of that with. But all of that wasn't enough. I couldn't keep from wanting more…whether it be money, or danger, or even adventure. I craved it, and ultimately I lost everything, including the most important person in my life, and ended up here. I have only myself to blame. If by chance this still amazing, still beautiful, still the most important person in the world to me is somehow, someway listening to what I am saying…I'm truly sorry. I should have showed her that she was enough. I should have told her that I would have given it all up for her. But I didn't. I just got deeper and deeper in to my work and then one day when I looked up it was all over. I lost her and ultimately lost myself." I could see tears starting to form but she quickly wiped them away.

"Thank you." She said and with that she steps down from the podium and gives me one last look before sitting down.

I couldn't handle sitting there, as everything she was saying was starting to process in my brain. I had to get out of there.

So I did.

I stood up, and didn't look back as I walked out of the meeting room, that actually doubled as our arts and activities area. I needed to run. We have an open track in the back of the prison where I have spent many hours since finding out that Santana was in here with me.

I walked back to my bunk and grabbed my tennis shoes and my sweatshirt. It is a particularly rainy day, not ideal weather for a run, but I just need to escape my head for a while. I start at the beginning of the track, take a deep breath and start to run. My pace is slow at first, but then I pick it up. I tell myself that I am going to outrun the raindrops that are beating down on me. I am convinced that by me running in the rain it will drown out the familiar flutter in my stomach, that only one person has ever been able to bring forth.

I keep running. I am pretty sure I've done at least 10 laps by now. This has got to be a new record. I choke down the nausea that I am starting to feel and just keep going. I am not ready to go back in there just yet. I know when I do I will see her and I just can't right now. So I just keep running. I do a few more laps and then my legs give out. I have no choice but to make my way back into the building.

When I walk in everyone is starring, including her. I conclude that it must be because I am dripping wet and every time I walk, my sneakers squeak. I walk up to the guard and get an okay to jump in the shower to warm up and get cleaned off. Thankfully he allows me to and I make my way to the bathroom, escaping the look from Santana.

When I turn on the hot water and let it cascade down my naked skin, I start to relax. Which isn't always a good thing, because when I am relaxed I start to think back. Back to when Santana and I were on the same page, back to when Santana and I were in each other's arms.

I back myself up and stop when my skin comes in contact with the cold tiles. I gasp at the feeling and complete difference in temperature, but then quickly settle. I lean my head back and close my eyes. I didn't realize it at first. I thought it was just the water streaming down my face, but it wasn't…I was crying.

I can't keep denying the obvious. I can't act like she is not here. I can't act like my old feelings for her aren't coming back to the surface, because they are. I loved her with everything that I had at one time and if I have to be truthful to myself, I still do. Seeing her, brings everything back. The passion that I had for her, the want, the need, the love, and I hate her for that.

I dry my tears quickly when I hear someone else in the bathroom. We have no privacy in here, so people can come and go as they please. The only thing that is separating me and the other person from getting a peep show is a thin almost see-through shower curtain.

The person is quiet and I hear what sounds like someone sliding down the wall and then plopping to the floor. I remain quiet though and keep myself planted against the tile.

"I know you are in here Rachel. You were never all that good at breathing quietly." My silent tears start up again.

"Look, I know that I am the last person that you want to talk to but I just wanted you to know that everything I said today…I meant." When I think I hear her get ready to leave I call out for her. I don't know why, it just seemed natural. I could hear she was upset and I never could bear the thought of her that way.

"Santana…wait."

"Rachel its okay, I know you hate me, I just needed to get that out."

"I…I…I don't hate you Santana, all of this would be so much easier if I did." I can't hide the fact that I am breaking down to her, I know that she can hear it in my voice and the way that it is cracking.

I wasn't thinking when I made my next move. My brain temporarily shut down and the next thing I know I am stepping out from behind the shower curtain naked and there is Santana standing right in front of me. I wasn't thinking when I slung my arms around her and then jumped up to wrap my legs around her waist. And I certainly wasn't thinking when I crashed our lips together in a wanting and completely feverish kiss.

All logic flew out of the window, all that was left was me and her, and I definitely just wanted her. I knew what she could do to me. I knew that she could transport me out of the now and back to one of those amazing and posh hotels that we use to frequent, or maybe even make me believe we were on a deserted island in Bali somewhere. All I know is that I needed to escape this, but not by myself. I wanted to escape it with her.

My lips stayed firmly planted on hers, until we called it off on account of running out of air. I was left dazed. It was just as intoxicating as I remembered and I wanted more. I didn't think anything through, I just knew once her hands had reached my body that I didn't want her to stop.

"I need you Santana." I pleaded, almost begged for her touch, and the small smile that she gave me let me know that she wasn't about to let me down again.

I could feel our bodies moving. Then, the stinging of the hot water against my drying skin, and then the cold tile against my back and my ass. She had me pinned. My legs were still tightly wrapped around her. I removed my arms from around her neck and worked fast to relieve her of her white t-shirt and then just as fast to get her bra off. She is just as beautiful as I remember. I couldn't wait to get my hands on her again…so I didn't.

I calculatingly took each breast in my hand, squeezing and caressing them feeling the skin within my fingers again. My thumbs played diligently with her nipples and quickly brought them to sensitive straining peaks. Santana's breasts are her most sensitive spot and one of her most beautiful ones as well.

"Fuck Rachel." Escapes her mouth. A simple phrase that use to get me more aroused than I ever thought possible. Even after all of these years apart, it still does it to me.

I can feel myself getting wetter, and I am sure that Santana knows this. She was the object of my affection long enough to know just how to do things. She doesn't waste any time. I throw my head back and moan when one of her hands snake down my stomach and stop just short of my mound. She cups it hard and I throw my head back exposing my neck. I moan loudly when I feel warm kisses start from my collarbone and up to my pulse point. I could not stifle the loud gasp that escaped when she bit down on my pulse point and at the same time plunged two of her long thin fingers into my sopping wet opening.

"Just as tight as I remember." She says with a smirk, and if I wasn't in the state I was in, I probably would have smacked the shit out of her for her cockiness...but I couldn't speak. The only sounds I could muscles were some long moans and timely gasps.

She worked quickly, bringing her fingers in and out of me, to pull me to the brink and then back down so that I didn't cum too fast. This was her game. A game that I actually enjoyed, however at this time, I just wanted the release. I swung my arms back around her neck and pulled her into me, biting down on her bottom lip and then taking her into a blinding kiss. It was her that moaned this time, and it was the most amazing sound.

I could feel my body starting to tense up and I knew it was only a matter of moments before I came undone. I canted my hips and then started to ride her fingers, meeting her thrust for thrust. When she inserted a third finger, I tightened my legs around her to gain more friction and that was all I needed.

My body rocked hard against her and I felt myself spill over when she hit my g-spot on her last really rough thrust. I screamed out her name, which thankfully was muffled quickly by her placing one of her hands over my mouth. She held me steady, just as she used to, bringing me down from my orgasm slowly and thoughtfully. It was like being with the old Santana. Everything just came flooding back and I didn't know how to feel, I just knew that I didn't want to let her go again.

I held on tight, even after she slowly moved her fingers out of me. My body was weak but I still held on for dear life. I held on to what we used to have, and what I knew we could still have. I didn't realize that she had shut the water off and that I was crying on her shoulder. I didn't realize right away that she was holding me just as tight as I was her. All I knew is that for a few moments I had her back.

When my body stopped shivering and spasming, she helped me down and held out her arms for me to steady myself. I didn't look up at her right away. I just put my head down. I didn't feel strong enough to meet her gaze right now.

Then what feels like anger starts to come back. I can't believe I let her back in, I can't believe I just cheated on Finn…

Oh My God Finn!

My brain finally starts to work again. I quickly make my way out of the shower and grab a towel. I don't turn back to gauge her reaction…I can't right now.

I just run.

**Author Notes. **

**Hope you are enjoying so far. **

**I would actually like to open this story up if anyone would like to collaborate with me on it. **

**Please Review**

**Any ideas, please let me know. **


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Berry, time for bunk checks." I come out of my sleep pretty quickly and throw myself out of the bed and stand in my designated spot so that the guards can come through and do their normal routine checks.

"You okay Berry; you are usually a morning person?" I have been here for a few weeks now, so I guess they would be able to make that assumption by now.

"Not really, just feeling under the weather." The guard, who just happened to be one of the nicer ones, Officer Drew looked at me with a bit of sympathy.

"Well we can't have you spreading your germs, looks like you are bunk bound today." I gave him a small smile and crawled back up as everyone else started their normal day in prison.

I thought of grabbing a magazine to skim through, but then decided against that when I saw something that reminded me of Santana in every picture that I saw. I have been able to thankfully avoid her since our last "meeting". I just don't know what to say to her. I am just so confused and so ashamed that I cheated on Finn like that, and I just thought that if I just avoided her all together that I would be able to deal with things better.

But that is not true. Things are not better, they are worse. As soon as I walked into this place that day and saw Santana again for the first time in so many years it felt like nothing had changed between us, like no time at all had passed. I felt like all I had to do was run back into her arms and we would wake up on a beach in Tahiti somewhere and this would have all been a dream. But that's not true either. We are not on some exotic island together, and eight years have passed.

I try to get comfortable on my bunk so that I can maybe get some rest instead of thinking about the girl that I left so many years ago. It's no use though. My mind is flooded, flooded with images of a broken Santana, who had just received the news that her Abuela had just passed. I didn't stop though. I just told her that I was sorry, but that nothing had changed. I couldn't live that life with her anymore. I was too afraid, or rather too chicken shit to go through life like it was one big adventure rather.

My mind shifts to Finn. Everything in our life together is mapped out. I never have to wonder what the next day will bring. All I have to do is look on the calendar or the app that Finn put on my phone. We lead pretty simple lives. He goes to work, while I stay home and keep up with the house and do the cooking. It's the life I chose. It's not full of danger and adventure or any of those things that Santana introduced to me. My life with Finn is one of stability.

"I miss the danger." I say it out loud and then bring my hand to my mouth. I didn't realize that my thoughts believed that they needed to voice themselves.

"What's that kid?" A familiar husky voice asked from the doorway. I didn't even have to look up in order to know who it was.

I froze for a moment, trying to act like I was asleep.

"Rachel, I know you are awake. You make cute little noises when you are asleep." I couldn't help the little smile that started to play at the end of my lips. But then I huffed a little in annoyance at the fact that she probably wasn't going to let me get away with avoiding her this time.

"Look I just came to check on you okay. I overheard Drew telling Bennett that you weren't feeling well. I know how you are when you aren't feeling well so I just figured…anyway I'll go now." She trails off and I hear the sound of her turning on her heels.

"Wait." I sounded desperate, only pleading for her not to go.

"Wow Berry, haven't heard you beg for me in such a long time." I looked up and saw the smirk that was spread across her face.

I didn't make a comment to her words. I just let her enjoy her little jab at me.

"So…are you okay kid?" She sounded sincere and that worry that she used to have for me when I wasn't feeling well was back.

"Just not feeling well, but I am sure that I will pull through." I said as she started to come closer to me.

She looked at the empty space next to me and I nodded for her to crawl up and claim it. She removed her shoes and used her upper body strength to hoist herself up to sit next to me. When she gets up on my bed, she moves all of the way opposite of me and crosses her legs with her hands in her folded in her lap. She has never been the quiet one, or even the type to appear uncomfortable or even nervous for that matter, I blamed it on her type of work. She had to be strong and be in control at all times. There was no room for a weakling.

"Deep in thought." She shuffles on the end of my mattress and then situates herself so that she is now turned towards me.

"I guess you could say that." I tell her quietly.

"Look, I know you have been avoiding me, and maybe for you it's for good reason, but I just want you to know that I don't regret anything that happened. I missed you and frankly I acted on it." She tries not to sound venerable, but her voice cracked.

I have to come clean with her. I have to tell her what I am feeling. I can't let this moment right now slip. I still harbor a lot of anger towards her for getting me put in this place, but it's not all her fault. I made my choices those many years ago, and it is some of those choices that I made that put me here as well.

"Listen Tana." She jumps slightly at the nickname that I use to call her when we were together. I think about taking back my words but decide it's not important to do so.

"I'm sorry." I stop for a moment and think about what I want to say next. I look over at Santana and she is just watching me intently.

No smirks, no smiles, she is just…listening.

"I didn't know what to think or what to say when I first saw you after so many years. I have thought about you constantly every day since that day I left you. I thought I was doing the right thing for myself. I needed to do something for me. I just felt so lost those last couple of months that we were together. I missed you so much and I just felt like you were slipping away from me and I just couldn't let that happen. So I made sure that I was the one that left you, because I knew that I wouldn't be able to survive if you left me. I thought I was doing the right thing." I didn't realize it right away, but when I felt my eyes starting to sting I knew that tears were starting to fall down my cheeks.

She still stayed quiet. She just kept her eyes affixed on me as I tried to find my next set of words. I took a deep breath and then I pressed on.

"That day in the shower, I felt like no time between us had passed. I got to forget about being in this awful place and I got to remember how it felt to be in your arms. Your arms always made me feel safe and wanted and I just wanted to feel that again. I missed the way your skin felt on mine, the way you used to whisper in my ear and bring me to the brink without even really touching me. I miss our adventures. I even miss the danger, but most of all Santana, I miss you." My tears are coming at a rapid rate now and they are showing no signs of stopping.

I feel my mattress shift, and then the familiar feeling of her arms around me. She is pulling me close to her and holding me as tight as she can. She doesn't say anything right away; she just keeps a secure hold on my body. I feel her kiss my forehead and my tears come down faster and in bigger drops now. It's the familiarness of her warmth that is overtaking me now and not the fact that I just confessed everything I have been feeling for her…except for one thing.

I pull away from her for a moment and look at her. Her eyes are red and I am pretty sure that a few stray tears have probably recently escaped from them. There is still one more thing that I need to tell her and there is no way that I am going to wait another moment to do so. It is time to come clean.

"I love you Santana, so much. It took me this long to finally realize that I never stopped." Her eyes go wide and I can't quite read the look that is plastered across her face.

She moves away from me, but she doesn't leave. She just goes back to her previous position and folds her hands back in her lap. She then leans her head back against the wall and looks up at the ceiling. This isn't exactly the reaction that I thought I would have gotten out of her, but yet I just sprang a pretty big truth on her. It's not like I have the right to expect anything out of her.

She sighs deeply, but keeps her head lulled back.

"I never thought I would get caught you know. I mean of course that is probably a given. I just thought we would live happily ever after skipping from one exotic beach to another. I never knew how my business affected you or worse…us. I just kept my head in the hazy clouds and just pressed on. I figured as long as I was making the money and we were traveling that we would be okay. I was so stupid. I made my choices, and I am not proud of them now that I look back at them, but at the time I thought I was doing what was best for us. I thought that as long as the money was rolling in and we were getting to visit new places and we were still in each other's arms that everything was going to be okay." She sighs deeply again, but this time she wipes her face of the remnants of tears trailing down her face.

"When my Abuela died I lost it. She was the one person that had been there my whole life and had supported everything that I had ever done. I mean of course, she didn't know about my job or the things that I did but when it came to you, she would always tell me "Santana, don't let that one go…she's good for you." I bet she was really turning in her grave when I told her that I lost you." She chuckles a bit through her anguish but continues on.

"I thought it was bad when my Abuela left me, but I was wrong." She unhooks her hands from each other and slides one of them over towards mine slowly. I meet her halfway and we lace our fingers together.

"The day you walked out I was so fucking angry at you. I hated you so much for leaving me when I needed you the most. You broke my fucking heart Rachel. " She stops for a second to collect her thoughts and then squeezes my hand.

"As the years went on I dabbled into some heavy shit, but was thankfully able to get away from that and I just tried to just start living. I never stopped thinking about you. Every girl reminded me of you. It sucked, no one ever compared to you." She takes her head off of the wall and looks towards me.

"I should have been better to you. I should have seen the signs that you weren't happy. I should never have put your life in danger, or asked you to compromise yourself for my work. You were nothing but loyal to me and I turned it all to shit. I understand now why you left, even though the circumstances in which you left still hurt so much. I don't hate you anymore. I don't think I ever really did." She turns her body towards mine again and scoots in as close as she can without sitting on my lap. She then takes her free hand and tucks two fingers under my chin to make me keep my gaze on her.

"I love you too Rachel, and like you, I have never stopped." I couldn't stop my next actions. I just wanted her closer. I couldn't bear her being even a couple of inches away from me. I threw my arms around her waist and embraced her tightly, tucking my head in the crook of her neck.

We stayed this way for a few minutes, just taking in the warmth of each other's bodies against each other again.

"So what are we going to do now kid?"

**Author Notes.**

**I hope that you are all enjoying this story. I hope that it is not going along too slowly for you. There is definitely much more story to tell.**

**Please Review.**

**Any Ideas or suggestion? Please let me know. **


	4. Chapter 4

It's funny how things can change in the blink of an eye. One moment you hate someone with every fiber of your being because they stole this wonderful life that you made in order to shorten their own prison time. But then the other moment. The one where you realize that maybe that same person you hate is actually the person that you are deeply and so madly in love with…still after all of these years, no matter what they did. You realize that maybe that person didn't steal that life that you made after her…she saved you from settling for a life without her.

"So what are we going to do now kid?"

The last thing she said to me before retreating back to her bunk for the night.

I have been lying awake for hours. Not for any particular reason, just trying to collect all of my thoughts and figure out what the hell I am going to do from here. I love Santana, there is absolutely no question in my mind about that now. It's pretty transparent and crystal clear. Then there is Finn. My feelings for him are so up in the air right now. I was so sure that he was the one for me…my person. Now I can't think about him without picturing Santana in the foreground staring back at me with her piercing brown eyes.

I can't sleep, and it is pretty apparent that I probably won't tonight.

I quietly slip out of my bunk, grab my flip flops that thank god finally came from commissary. It was hard as hell keeping the maxi pads on my feet with just a couple of rubber bands. I didn't have a choice though, there was no way my bare feet were going to touch the shower floors. They really should get someone in to clean this place really well.

I slip on my jacket to take the chill off and grab my toilet paper and shower caddy. I figure if sleep isn't going to come tonight than I will at least get clean. I check in with Officer Rivera, the head of my area and let her know what I will be doing. She checks over my things and then lets me go. Prison isn't as strict as I had always thought it would be. As long as you are where you are supposed to be during count, you can pretty much roam around and do what you need to do. Santana once described this place as "summer camp, with jumpsuits and bars." Her analogies are funny sometimes. I have to admit, she is turning this bad situation into a better one. I mean I obviously don't want to be here. But since I have to, I am glad that I am in here with her.

I walk down the hall and into the bathroom. I hear the shower going. I guess someone else couldn't sleep either. I put my things on the bench in front of my chosen shower. I am stopped in my tracks when I hear singing coming from a few stalls down. I know that voice.

"Santana?" I call out and the singing stops. I almost regret letting her know that I am here, I always loved when she would sing to me.

"Rachel?" She opens up the curtain to peer around the stall.

When she sees me she grins.

"Did you follow me here to peek at my goods?" She is smirking and I couldn't help the blush that started to show through my skin.

"Actually I couldn't sleep." She looked at me apologetically then raised her brows.

"Were you having thoughts of an inappropriate nature about a certain hot Latina ex-girlfriend?" I laugh nervously, but I don't answer her. She looks at the ground and then looks at me with an innocence in her eyes.

"You know, we could save on water and shower together." I could feel the heat already start to build inside of me. I felt like I was on fire, burning from the inside.

"I don't think that is such a great idea, we might get caught."

"If that the only reason?" She questions me with one raised brow.

"Come on, Foley's on duty." She almost wines and I smile, remembering the talk I had with Foley after Santana left my bunk tonight.

Her conversation with me was strictly off the record of course, but she said that "in order to make it through the toughest times in your life, you have to allow yourself to feel, and to be felt. She also told me that even when you think the past is behind you, sometimes it's the past that will come back and save you. ." It didn't dawn on me until I was lying in my bunk alone, exactly what she was talking about.

She was talking about me and Santana.

I nod towards Santana and her face lights up. I step closer to her stall and pull off my gray t-shirt, leaving me in just my sweat pants and my prison issued white cotton underwear.

"Still so beautiful." I hear her say.

I look down and grab the waistband of the rest of my clothing and push them off of my hips, down my thighs and ultimately kick the articles of clothing to the side. I don't use my hands to cover myself. Instead I walk towards her confidently and step under the steaming hot shower. I catch myself staring at her when she is on full display in front of me. I never could figure out how someone could be as gorgeous as she is. The perfect skin, perfect face, the perfect breasts...fuck, she has the perfect body. I catch her signature smirk when she notices me eyeing her. She steps up closer to me.

She doesn't maul me or put her hands all over me. In fact just the opposite.

She backs me up slowly so that I am the one that is directly under the spray so that I can get doused. I watch her as she grabs the bottle of shampoo. Then her hands gather up some and lathers it between her hands. I step back from the water and then her hands are running through my hair soaping it up and getting it clean. When she is satisfied with her work, she signals for me to get back under the water. My thoughts started to wonder back to those years when we were together. This was our safe place, the shower. It's the one place that we could go and wash all of the worry and insecurities of the day away and just be with each other.

When my hair showed no more traces of soap I felt her warm arms snake around and circle around my waist. I settled my back into her front immediately and smiled when I felt her chin rest on my shoulder. Nothing was spoken for a couple of minutes. The only sound was the water trickling down our naked bodies, and the sound of our hearts beating in perfect rhythm. As we stood in silence, it was then that I realized that I needed to answer her question.

"You asked me earlier what we were going to do now?" I was quiet, just loud enough for her to hear me.

She didn't answer me, she just tightened her arms around my waist and held me.

"I don't know what's going to happen during our time in here, or when we get out for that matter, but I have been thinking and I realize that no matter what scenario..." I loosen her grip on me and turn in her arms.

"I don't want to do anything without you." She smiles as a tear starts to fall. Santana was never really big on showing her emotions to other people, but when it came to me she never held anything back.

"Are you saying what I think you are saying?" She looks in my eyes searching for the answer.

"Yes, Santana, I choose you." I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I let them fall as I threw my arms around her neck and held her close.

Her arms were running up and down my back feeling my exposed skin, then stopped to come up and cup my cheek.

"I will never hurt you again Rachel. You'll see baby. We will make the best of the time that we have left in here and then when we get out, I will give you the life that you deserve." She brought up the future…and it included me in it. My heart was full and my emotions were on overdrive.

My arms tightened around her neck and I leaned in. We both smiled, then it finally happened, her lips were on mine again. Our kiss was simple and sweet. Filled with apologies and promise. It was warm and intense, soft and loving. When her tongue swiped across my bottom lip asking for entrance I obliged her. Her tongue swirled around my mouth tasting and dancing. When my tongue joined hers it was a beautiful tango. When we finally broke free needing air, we just held each other close until the water turned cold and started to beat down on our skin.

She turned off the water and stepped out first, throwing her towel around her gorgeous tan form. She grabbed my towel and wrapped me up in it.

"I'm going to tell Finn at my with him visit tomorrow." Her eyes lit up but they didn't stay that way.

"Are you sure that being with me is what you want, I mean things aren't going to be easy, there is still so much that you and I need to…"

"Santana, you are who I want…and as for the rest of it…we will do things the way we do them best…together." I stepped up closer to her, throwing my arms around her this time and crushing our bodies together.

My lips found hers again, solidifying what I was trying to say to her.

I choose Santana, and everything beyond that decision can be figured out later. My heart is with her…it always has been.

Now I just have to tell my fiancé all of this.

_**Author Notes.**_

_**Sorry it took so long for an update. I have been working on other stories. I will be updating more frequently go. **_

_**I hope you are all still enjoying this story…**_

_**Please Review…It makes my day and let's me know how I am doing. **_


	5. Chapter 5

It's almost visitation time. My hands are cold and clammy and my heart is beating fast. I am so nervous and scared. There is only one other time I ever felt this way.

The day after I left Santana and decided to try a life without her.

Looking back now, it was the stupidest thing I ever tried to do. I was a better person when I was with her. Yeah her job of choice was not the best, but she always kept me safe. Even at times when I felt her job was top priority, I knew in my heart that it really wasn't. She did everything she knew how to do to keep me happy. She loved me, I mean REALLY loved me, and that should have been enough.

But it wasn't.

I was needy and clingy and I had to have her undivided attention 24/7. I couldn't be without her for any length of time. I felt like I was only me when I was with her. I still feel that way, but I have gotten stronger. I am not as needy, although I still cling to her love. It is the best love I have ever known. She is the only person I truly believe I have ever been IN LOVE with.

Of course I love/loved Finn. He always treated me with respect and made me feel good about myself. He never said an ill word towards me or made me feel as if I was second best. He did the complete opposite actually. He was completely perfect, and still I can't find it in my heart to walk away from Santana a second time. She is and will always be "my person"…I know that now.

"Berry, Seti, Lewis, James, report to the visitation room." When I hear my name I straighten myself up. I don't want to look like a mess when I see Finn.

As soon as I walk in, he stands. He has this huge smile that stretches across the entirety of his face. I love his smile, but when I look at him now, all I can do is compare him to Santana. That is so unfair to him.

"Hey beautiful." He happily says as he engulfs me in a huge embrace.

"Oh, I have missed you." Not a lie, I cannot honestly say that I have not missed the friendship that the two of us have above all else. I return his hug with a little less enthusiasm than he gave, but I don't think he noticed.

We sit down and our hands brush up against each other's. I feel nothing, no spark no electricity. Just skin upon skin.

"So how is prison life treating you?" He says with a half-smile.

"It's going okay. Its prison so I mean it's not a picnic, but it's nice that I have people in here that have my back you know." I drop my head for a slight moment. I have to tell him. I owe it to him, to myself and to Santana.

"You okay Princess?" I look in his eyes and take a deep breath before I confess everything.

"Finn, I know we don't have much time in here and this is not the ideal place that I would want to tell you something like this but I have to be honest." He sits up straighter and locks eyes on me.

"Anything you need to say, I am here for you."

"Santana is in here with me." His shoulders drop along with his face.

"The Santana, the same Santana that got you thrown in here in the first place." He keeps his voice down but I can tell he is upset.

"Yes, but that is not it." I try to continue on but he stops me.

"I know that look in your eye Rachel. Just please confirm what it means and don't lie to me. That is all I ask of you." I nod my head.

"I cheated on you with her, and..." My words are lost on me for a moment when his arms drop to his sides. I have to do this though, I can't stop now.

"I'm in love with her. I am so sorry Finn because I have love for you but it's just not the same. I just…I just never stopped loving her." He keeps his attention on me. I wait bracing myself. I half expect his temper to flair or for him to stand quickly and throw his chair as he often did before walking away from a bad situation, but this time he didn't.

What he did next actually made my tears start to stream.

"Rachel, I love you, more than anyone I have ever loved. I want to be pissed off right now. I want to sit here and say horrible things about the fact that you want to be with a woman over me. I want to throw things and find this Santana and give her a piece of my mind, but that won't change your heart." He takes a deep breath before he continues on.

"So, with that said, it is only fair of me to let you go and let you have that same kind of love that I feel for you. If you are sure that it can be found with Santana or anyone other than me, then it is time for me to step back as your lover and step up as you friend and support have to follow your heart." The tears wouldn't stop. I brought my sleeve up to try and stop them but it was no use.

"All inmates please proceed out of the visitation room." The intercom announcement startles me for a second but I quickly settle.

Finn is the first to stand. He walks over to where I am sitting and holds his hands out for me to take them. I reach for him and he pulls me up and takes me into another of his amazing hugs.

"There is no reason to cry. Your heart wants what it wants." I circle my hands around his torso and cling to him one more time, before we have to let each other go.

"Rachel when I said that I would always be here for you, I meant that." He cups my face and kisses me on the cheek.

"Thank you." I tell him quietly.

"For what Rachel?" He asks a little confused.

"For always allowing me to follow my heart." He pulls me in one more time before kissing me on the forehead and walking away.

I stood in the visitation room for a moment trying to collect my feelings. When all of the other inmates had walked out leaving just me, I finally started my journey towards the door. When I walked through it the first time, I was so anxious and I was so on edge. Now walking back through after my visit with Finn, I feel something else...

Relief.

I walk back towards my bunk only to be stopped by Jones, the burley looking guard.

"Hey Berry, your bunk assignment has changed, grab your things." I quickly hustle to pack up my things and Jones leads me to my new home.

When we stop in front of my new bunk, I am surprised to find out who my new roommate is. I don't say anything right away. I just watch as she bops her head around to whatever song is playing through her headphones. Her eyes are closed so she hasn't seen me yet.

After I get my things put away, and Jones walks out I tip toe to her side of the bed. I scan the room to make sure that no one is looking my way and I lean down to graze my new bunk mate's lips. Her eyes shoot open and a smile spreads across her face.

"Hey." She says is a husky voice.

"Hey." I say quietly just an inch or so from her lips.

"What are you doing in here, I thought you had visitation today?" She pulls herself up into a sitting position and removes her headphones.

"Visitation is over, and apparently you and I are now bunkies." She looks at me wide eyed and with a big smile.

"Really, ha, why the hell would they do that?" Santana looks over at the empty space next to her and pats it for me to come and sit down.

I slowly make my way over and collapse into the warm arms that immediately circle around me.

"I don't know why Tana, but I am glad they did. I can't get through this without you." My tears start to fall again and she holds me against her tighter.

"You had me kid, way before all of this. You have always had me." She moves two of her fingers to slowly lift up my chin so that we are now looking at each other. She leans down slowly and closes the gap between my lips and hers and kisses me sweetly, taking all of my worries and smashing them to pieces. The way only Santana has ever been able to do.

When we pull away she looks at me concerned.

"How did it go with the fiancé?" I know she really doesn't want to ask but out of concern for me, she does.

"It went well." Her brows arch and her eyes go wide.

"Really, what did he say?" I put my head back down and snuggle into her as close as I can.

"He said to follow my heart." With that she squeezes me tighter and lays her head down on the top of mine.

_**Author Notes:**_

_**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **_

_**There is much more to come. **_

_**Please REVIEW**_


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